And I say it again, Love Hurts

February 6th, 2009 Comments Off on And I say it again, Love Hurts

This is an old one.

“I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love.” ~ Mother Teresa

I wish I thought of saying those words first.

I mean, blpht, I had my own “love sucks” and “love hurts” theories, which, I have to admit now, came out of bitterness and unavoidable hormonal imbalance. (Sorry naman!) And ugh, reading them now makes me think — that’s it? That’s the best you can say about love?

I’m envious of people like Mother Teresa who can say such beautiful words about love, and actually “live it”. Why is it so hard? Why, why, why?

I know she wasn’t just pertaining to romantic love. (Hey, it’s easier, I think, to love someone romantically.) She must have been talking about the kind of love that transcends logic and reason. Like loving the unlovable, or reaching out to your enemy, or forgiving someone who’ve hurt you deeply, or swallowing your pride to understand someone whom you thought is being unreasonable.

Ephesians 5:1 reads,

“Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”

Gulp.

It’s not an easy thing to do, this love. But love is a way of life we all have to learn to live. Even if it hurts.

No. Especially when it hurts.

(Hi, this is me, talking to myself again. Ktnxbye.)

You know who I really miss right now?

February 5th, 2009 § 9

Them.


Mom, Kuya Nate, Kuya Niks, and Lola


..and Kuya Nate’s pretty wifey Ate Imy :)
(Oh wow I finally have an older sister!)

I guess stuff like this happens when you’re an XX-chromosomed 25 year old (yes, just females), and you come home to a messy apartment, plates and pans from the past two nights’ dinner piled up on the sink waiting to be washed, and a hamper filled to the brim with dirty laundry waiting by your bathroom door. Sounds stressful, I know right. But hey, at this age, I still have the right to blame this on the hormones, right?

I have a bunch of chores to do, not to mention reports to finish, and all I can think of right now is how much I miss going home to a place where there are actual human beings to talk to or to have dinner with. I miss bossing my brothers around (no, wait, I think it’s the other way), my Mum’s lutong-bahay, Lola’s stories which I’ve heard about a hundred times already, and maybe some bonding time with my new (ehem) sister-in-law.

» Read the rest of this entry «

I Miss

January 28th, 2009 § 14

I miss a lot of things. I miss blogging what’s on my mind without worrying if someone will think that my posts are too icky or too unprofessional. (Fine, I miss blogging, period.) I miss pasting receipts, candy wrappers, and movie tickets on my journal, and trying to record moments in writing so I could easily look back.

I miss wandering aimlessly in a foreign place, getting lost, and figuring out my way back by counting hotdog stands. I miss listening to the sounds of a busy subway, and watching people walk their dogs in Central Park. I miss enjoying the sight a *real* cruise ship, and watching the sun set over Darling Harbor while munching on fish and chips with people you love. I miss taking pictures of everything and nothing in particular, and spending hours post-processing my shots.

And then sometimes, I miss myself. Which I used to think was bad. But now, in the course of missing myself, this whole picture of who I *really* am, and who I want to be becomes even more clear in my head.

Icky, all of this, sure. But hey, I’m not scared to be myself anymore. I’m 25 and life’s too short to worry about what other people think. From now on, that’s who I’m going to be — myself. And let me start by being reacquainted with the things I miss.

Oh hai, 2009. I think you and I are going to be good friends. I’m excited to get to know you. :)

NYC, Finding Passion, and an Epiphany

November 13th, 2008 § 13

Did you know that the Greeks didn’t write obituaries or eulogies?  They only asked one question after a man died: “Did he have passion?”

Hep. Before you start googling those lines to see if I plagiarized a Hollywood film because you’re thinking, hey, that sounds familiar, let me help you by saying that yes, those aren’t my own words. They’re actually from the movie Serendipity.

And let me help you remember that movie by posting this:


Serendipity Cafe at East 60th Street

Sorry, I just had to post that one. I was there!! :P

You see, that’s one of the things I waste precious hours over lately. I’d watch old movies taken in New York sighing over the designer clothes, and if I see a place I happened to have been to when I was there, I’d open up my folder of photos again and look for that place and sigh and wish I could somehow go back.

Anyway, the point is, the New York fever is still not cured. And I’m currently stuck in that phase where replaying NY movies is more important to me than taking my regular dose of stress tabs. Or adjusting my sleeping habits so I can go to work early the next day.

The other day I dreamt I was lost in the subway, not knowing which train to take. And then the most annoying blonde approached me with her perfect teeth and perfectly combed hair and perfect New York accent, and she was the one who actually helped me find my way. Why, Lord, why those dreams? :(

And. I’m. Losing. My. Train. Of. Thought. Again.

What I’m really trying to share is, and I do have a point.. in the course of trying to nurse this seemingly incurable disease that New York left me with, I actually had an epiphany. And what do you know, a line in a movie actually made me realize what could be missing in this life of mine.

Passion.

I need to find passion. To be so obsessed about something again enough to make me wake up early in the morning and face the day with excitement. New Yorkers strike me that way — they’re a people full of passion and drive to move and live; after all, they probably won’t be able to survive a place like that not armed with loads of those.

And that’s probably what I need, too. I need a purpose greater than finding the perfect pair of boots. (Which I haven’t found yet, by the way, unless I finally decide to succumb to that Aldo pair which has been the closest thing to perfect, so far. Italktoomuchblahblah.) Or, perhaps, I need to re-evaluate myself and find that one thing that I used to be passionate about, and be re-acquainted with it.

And who knows, someday, that one question that the Greeks used to ask will be answered with a resounding YES in this life of mine.

I’m getting there, I know it. When I find it, I’ll let you know.

Moleskine Confessions

October 5th, 2007 § 12

I have a confession to make. Not more than a week after I bought my Moleskine Journal, I lost it. And I couldn’t even blog about it because that would be plain stupid right? To gush about finally getting a Moleskine Journal, and to announce that you lost it a couple of days after? Sheesh.

I knew, however, that I’d find it somehow, and I kindof had an idea where to go. It should be right where I last saw it, I thought with confidence. After all, I didn’t think anyone would really take interest on a piece of notebook enough to steal it. Plus, it has my messy writing all over it already. Na-ah.

Ergo, six days after I noticed it missing, I traced my steps, went to Starbucks at Shangrila, and took my chance.

Uhm, hi, I was wondering.. By any chance.. *stammering* Did u happen to see a moleskine journal… uhm.. it’s has a black leather..” Even before i finished my sentence, one of their crew was already on his way out back. I held my breath, and noticed some baristas smiling at me from the counter, and some grinning and nodding at each other as if they all have feasted on my journal already! Gah! Oh well. I didn’t care. I just wanted my Moleskine back.

Behold, I heaved a sigh of relief. There it was, the familiar leather bound mini-notebook, handed to me by a certain barista named Ducks — don’t ask me, I wondered what’s with the name too — and I went away with a huge smile on my face. Thank God.

Now just in case you happened to pass by Starbucks Shangrila, the one in 5th floor, do me a favor by thanking Ducks again for me will ya. Heh.

Maybe it’s true what they say. Moleskines really do travel a lot! As for my Moleskine Journal, here goes her first adventure. ;)

Quarter-lifer meets Mid-lifer

July 25th, 2007 § 30

It’s been a while since an actual human being entrusted her blog design to me. Truth be told, the last time a stranger contacted me to redesign her Blogger template was two years ago, back in May 2005 when tables were the in-thing; CSS was alien; and the blogosphere, simpler. Overwhelmingly enough, that girl, Maan, still has that froggy layout on. And I often wonder why. :P Hehe.

Since then, however, it’s either I became too busy with other things that I had no choice but to turn down requests for redesign, or, I simply became too self-conscious about my craft that I preferred to just have my mess on my own domains for my own enjoyment or disgust. Hehe.

And then she came along, and after a few months of knowing her through her blog, a dinner date and coffee at Cravings, and some texts and emails here and there, I knew that I just couldn’t turn down her request. And what an honor it was to tweak the online journal of a renown journalist and blogger, not to mention a very kind-hearted 40something such as her.

And what more of an honor (horror??!) to be called the “wisest 20something I know” by The Cathy Babao herself. (Wow, the pressure! LOL.) Seeing my link on her blogroll, lined up with highly respectable people who blog about life, careers, politics, charity work, family, and faith, (you get the drift), brings this sudden weight of pressure on me. I mean, imagine Kuya Bojie of Batibot singing, “alin, alin, alin ang naiba..” and everyone’s finger would point at my link. Get the picture?? Que horror!

Ohwells, at least the disclaimer is right there on the link text itself — “20something” being the operative word. 20somethings are still somehow entitled to be stupid and immature at times anyway, right? :P

Creating the design was a breeze, I actually had fun playing with Photoshop again. But the hardcoding part was more difficult than I thought. I originally made this really complicated layout using tables, hoping that I could make it work with the new Blogger set-up, but after hours of trying, I had to accept the grim reality that I’m not ready for complex CSS and table-less coding just yet. So I ended up just modifying an existing Blogger template and incorporating with it the header that I made. All things considered, I was kindof satisfied na rin with how things turned out.

So hey, check it out. I’m no Joni Ang or Liz Buenaflor or Mae Paulino. But well, I can always try. LOL. At the very least, I can help out modify Blogger layouts and make blog headers, if you’re sick of the usual Blogger template choices. Nope, no WordPress themes and table-less stuff for me yet. I have a lot to learn.

In the end, it was a win-win case for me. I got a breather from all the SEO and writing I have to do, but more importantly, getting to know a new friend, getting a glimpse of mid-life through her, and being inspired, was the icing on the cake. It was lovely meeting you, Miss Cathy, and let me just say.. the feeling is mutual as I see you to be one of the wisest women I know online and offline as well. :)

It's Hap-py-slip!

May 10th, 2007 § 9

Tonight, my friends and I were having our usual talk over coffee (and siopao, and mais con hielo, and whatever finger food was available) with Pastor Dave (who happens to be my Ninong too) and his lovely wife, Ninang Nory. Being about 20 years older than we are, I sometimes feel as if they’re in a constant lookout for ways to “connect” with our generation. And I have to say, as far as the generation gap is concerned, they are pretty much successful bridging it in. They’re definitely the coolest forty*bleep* yearolds in the planet.

There are, however, some bloopers here and there. And here’s the winning moment tonight:

Pastor Dave: “What’s that site you were talking about again..? Uh, pantyhose.com?”

The rest of us, staring at him, confused.

Pastor Dave: “The one with those videos you were all laughing about..?”

And then it dawned on her.

Normi: “Ohhh you mean happyslip.com!!
All: Oooohhhh!!

It was, of course, followed by an endless round of laughter. Pantyhose.com pala ha. :P

I guess there’s still generation gap, after all. :)

The night went on like that. But on top of all the laughter were insightful views about life, and relationships, and faith, and God, and family, and making the right choices, and just about anything under the sun. From as serious as spirituality and Bible doctrines to as trivial as pantyhose.com, er, happyslip.com, we all had our triple dose of self-reflections and realizations (more like reminders) that somehow fueled us up to face the world again.

My happy thoughts for the day: Faith. Friends. Laughter. And love everywhere. I’m stuffed. ♥

Oh, and Ninong Dave, if you’re reading this, it’s hap-py-slip, ok? :)

Feldene Flash

April 12th, 2007 § 5

Yesterday was my first day back in the office since Dad passed away, and I wasn’t feeling well. On top of the emotional struggles I was going through, I had tummy cramps (what I first thought was dysmenorrhea lang) and back aches that were so painful I started to worry.

Halfway through the day, I contacted a doctor-friend, told him how I was feeling, and asked him to prescribe me anything that would give me immediate relief. I was desperate.

“Take Feldene Flash, 1 tablet, dissolve under tongue. If pain persists, punta ka na sa ER,” he simply texted. And so, to the nearest drug store, I went.

Amazingly, ten minutes after taking Feldene Flash, the pain was gone. All of it. (That fast? That easy?)

I don’t know how it happened, and what Feldene Flash has that made the pain go away. I didn’t bother trying to find out either. What mattered was suddenly, the day was easier to bear.

Now if only there’s a medicine that could take away that other form of pain — the one that comes with change; and letting go of something you’re not ready to let go of yet; and missing someone you can’t anymore have — please, let me know.

I need an overdose.

I've Crossover-ed

March 6th, 2007 § 11

(Why does it feel like I have to take cobwebs off this site everytime I decide to press the “Write Post” button? Pfft.)

Hey. Look where I am now.

I didn’t expect that a time would come when I’d fall prey to the “elite” coffee shop culture where one pays around 150php worth of iced coffee and 200php worth of GlobeQuest credits in exchange for 2 measly hours of wifi connection and some snazzy ambience. So. Not. Me. (Or so I thought).

But living in an apartment with no telephone lines (and other related technology) to offer, and with the nearest hotspot in the form of Starbucks just few blocks away, I have to say, I don’t have much of a choice. Taking DELLilah the Laptop (his, not mine) whit me to Starbucks Pearl Drive, I suddenly hate myself for being judgmental of those people who hang out at coffee shops with their cute little laptops while sipping their fraps. Gag. I’ve crossovered.

Anyway. Since I’ve paid 400 bucks already (eww), I might as well make the most out of it and blog about, er, things I thought of blogging about but was not able to blog about because I’m so full of excuses (lame, I know). If only I had the time, and the will, and the internet access, I would have extensively blogged about:

(1) Pinkseo.Info getting banned out of Statcounter. My bandwidth has gone way beyond the limit that free accounts provide, hence, it’s either I upgrade to paid account, or they cut me off. It’s irritating and thrilling at the same time. Averaging around 9,000 unique visitors a day (where did that come from again??!), it would have been more exciting if the Ituloy Angsulong race was still on. My Google rank is still going up, see? Haynaku. I really should do something grand about that site. Think, think, think. (Suggestions, anyone?)

(2) Importing my four years worth of blogposts from there to here, following Joni‘s step-by-step Importing-Tabulas-to-Wordpress initiative, to no avail. After successfully transferring my ten most recent posts, I came to accept the grim reality that I’m not (and never will I be) as patient as she is, and it’s gona take me 10 years to transfer all of them in. It did help, however, that I at least tried. You see, my attempt gave me no choice but to browse and read through four years worth of icky melodrama–making me realize in the end that it’s really better to just keep them there, after all, that’s where they should be–archived forever, haha. (I’m taking the “leave the past behind” mantra literally here, come on, help me out).

(3) Being tagged by some (online) friends–one I finally met face-to-face and one I was reunited with through the Ituloy Angsulong Night–to help out in the Stage and Decorations committee of Philippine Blog Awards 07. The pinoy online community is creating some noise, one big event after the other. (Watch out, The Third Iblog Summit is next.) And I feel honored to be part of it, in a way. At least this time they know me as “Riz”, and not “Pink”.

(4) Trusting people, and work issues, and Michael Scofield (coz my post about him has brought me quite a number of hits from search engines, coolness), and how much I love Music and Lyrics, and other mundane things I used to enjoy blogging about. Ang tamadtamadtamad ko na talagaaa.

Okaay now. My time is running out, and I’m getting kind of sleepy, and there’s work tomorrow, and I’m blabbering again, so I have. To Stop. Now.

The Last on that Starbucks Planner

February 2nd, 2007 § 3

The race (and the season) is over. Yesterday was the last day of collecting those little Starbucks stickers, and claiming the limited edition planners. Were you able to get yours?

As I was trying to clean my closet last night, I found my Starbucks planner lying underneath piles of bags, and cds, and clothes. Gah. So much for those overly priced Starbucks drinks. I barely touched my journal, I know, but I opened it anyway, and found this one (and only) entry I forgot I wrote on one of its pages.

» Read the rest of this entry «

Where Am I?

You are currently browsing the Caffeinated Thoughts category at Past Life.