Past Life

Dear Daddy,

Hi! I didn’t cry today! Proud of me? :) Er, except for that one time when Ninong Dave prayed over lunch, and, well, I’m sure you heard his prayer (thanking God for another year, and for all those people He brought into my life, and all the blessings, and well, the rest I won’t blog anymore because they’re un-bloggable and of course you already know them hehe). Did you see how all of us were giggling while we prayed? Was God laughing too when He was listening to us? :D So okay, I cried a bit there. But I don’t think that should even be considered as “crying” because I was just teary-eyed. You saw how I was able to hold the tears back and dry my eyes before everyone else opened theirs? Pretty clever huh. :)

I miss you, Daddy, today most especially. This morning, I woke up and found my mobile blinking with 27 text messages, waiting to be opened. 27, Daddy, 27!! You see how many people remembered? Not counting pa those who texted before I fell sleep the night before, and those who texted and called during the day! I am soo loved. But as I went through the texts and replied to each of them one after the other, I couldn’t help but wish I received a text message from you too. I can imagine it now. It would just be the usual, and you’d still be sending it even though you were just in the other room, or even when you already personally greeted me. It would simply say “hapy bday nak! luv u!“. But it would mean the world to me.

» Read the rest of this entry «

As if reading old blog posts was not enough, I found myself reading random pages from my old journals too. And then I found this one journal entry I wrote 2 years ago, on May 1, 2005. It was my Mom and Dad’s 31st anniversary then, and apparently, it was a few days after Dad was released from the hospital following his heart surgery.

Thirty one years of being together, whoa. I can only imagine their joy now that their love was able to survive a series of trials, and tears, and fears, and tests. Today was indeed a time to celebrate as their 31-year-old vow — the one which says, “for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health..” — was made real right before their and everyone else’s eyes.

Dad’s heart surgery (and our fear that we could lose him anytime) was surely a part of a plan grand-er than anything we could think of. Perhaps God, the Great Author of love and romance, planned to make this year’s anniversary more memorable, sweeter even.

Someday, if God wills, I’d get to make that vow too.. And if that happens, I shall look back on Mommy and Daddy’s love story, knowing full well that God had been the One writing the script.

Someday, I’ll have my own love story to tell too.

There goes your 21 year old Rhiz. (Eek!) A lot has changed since then, (somewhere along the way I have become somewhat bitter and cynical, haha), but one cannot deny that in a world where breakups and failed marriages and broken families are staple, one still hope for a love story worth telling the grand kids.

Last May 1, no matter how we tried to be happy (coz that’s what Daddy would have wanted) , I know there’s a deep longing in our hearts, wishing that Daddy was still here, and he and Mom were celebrating their anniversary as always.

Mommy and Daddy didn’t take a lot of pictures. The few ones they have, however, will always remind me, us, that in spite of all the differences and obstacles that married couples have to face, fairytales still do happen.

Christmas 2005

Our church’s medical and dental mission, 2006

Lola’s birthday, February 2007

Christmas 2006

Last May 1 would have marked my Mom and Dad’s 33rd year together. They would have continued serving the Lord together, and making a difference in other people’s lives, and growing old with each other. But God has something else in mind, after all, His ways are always higher than ours.

Dad’s death was not the end of their love story. Just as his legacy, their love story lives on too. Now, their 33-year-old vow — that part which says, “for better or worse, til death do us part” — was made real right before our eyes over again.

There goes my Mom and Dad’s happily ever after.

Yesterday was my first day back in the office since Dad passed away, and I wasn’t feeling well. On top of the emotional struggles I was going through, I had tummy cramps (what I first thought was dysmenorrhea lang) and back aches that were so painful I started to worry.

Halfway through the day, I contacted a doctor-friend, told him how I was feeling, and asked him to prescribe me anything that would give me immediate relief. I was desperate.

“Take Feldene Flash, 1 tablet, dissolve under tongue. If pain persists, punta ka na sa ER,” he simply texted. And so, to the nearest drug store, I went.

Amazingly, ten minutes after taking Feldene Flash, the pain was gone. All of it. (That fast? That easy?)

I don’t know how it happened, and what Feldene Flash has that made the pain go away. I didn’t bother trying to find out either. What mattered was suddenly, the day was easier to bear.

Now if only there’s a medicine that could take away that other form of pain — the one that comes with change; and letting go of something you’re not ready to let go of yet; and missing someone you can’t anymore have — please, let me know.

I need an overdose.

It was a Monday, and as always, Mom and Dad drove my brother and I to ABS-CBN where he work, and to the apartment (in Ortigas) where I stay on weekdays, respectively.

I had my laptop on in the car that time, and was excitedly explaining to Dad how I can now access the net anywhere through Globe Visibility. I’m sure Dad didn’t understand a bit of what I was saying but he nodded as if he did, and teased me about how her little girl has turned into an “anti-social geek.” At some point he even joked, “Nak bili mo rin ako ng laptop,” and in my head I was already considering the possibility. » Read the rest of this entry «

(Those of you who are ehem, “dying” to get out of college and “taste freedom”, and earn your own moolah, and get out of parental confines, etcetera.)

Let me just say, it’s a cruel world out here. You can never tell who to trust. And even if there are a few people you can trust around, the truth is, you’re on your own. You get to enjoy your own money, yes, but soon enough you’ll realize that you’re trapped in your own (rat)race, and no matter how big you earn, it will never be enough. Self fulfillment does not come everyday. Criticisms (and misjudgements) are staple. Appreciation is scarce.

If only you guys will listen and believe me, I shall keep reminding you that there’s no need to rush. Trust me, you DON’T want to rush. Do yourself a favor and enjoy your childhood. If you can’t enjoy it, then fight for it. Live one day at a time.

If you’re a kid and you have access to Barbie dolls and crayons and coloring books that you don’t have to buy for yourself because your parents give them to you generously, then play your heart out. If you’re a student and you can spend your afternoons eating isaw at Kalayaan, or hanging out at Sunken garden with a guitar, or cramming for your term paper; and you can go to school in torn jeans, old shirt, and worn-out chuck taylors, then don’t go thinking about pin-striped slacks and stilettos, and payslips, and business meetings, and your own condo unit without your parents around, and night outs after work. I tell you, and you must believe me, life out here is not as cool as we all thought it is.

Then again, I’ve been there. And I was one of them who did not want to listen. So go ahead, see for yourself. Hurry on with your life. Go find yourself a gold thread even, so you can pull the string everytime you want to rush time. Once you’re here, I’m sure, and I need not prove, you’ll understand what I’m talking about.

Hi. I’m Riz. If the world is a box of crayons, I am pink. (If it’s a box of candies, I’m strawberry drops.) I love daisies, and guitar music, and empty buses on a rainy day, and other beautiful, beautiful things. My boss once said I have no future in cynicism. After much thought, I realized that maybe he’s right.

Life. Hope. Love. ♥

Welcome to Guitarchic.Net!

I once purchased Guitarchic.Com. But I got tired of it. Today, about 45 minutes ago, I just felt like buying a domain name of my own (again). So I registered a dotnet, installed wp, and here goes: the product of my over-impulsiveness. Ha, ha.

Clickityclack. Who knows, this maybe for good.