Past Life

I knew this was going to happen anytime soon.

I started blogging somewhere else.

Meanwhile, I don’t have the heart to close this site down. I have decided to not perform any 301-redirects or import/export any XML file. All the posts I made from August 2006 to June 2009 shall remain in this blog (in the same way that my other older blogs are still around somewhere.)

Besides, this site is still earning, not a lot, but enough to allow me to have my occasional online splurges. Maybe I’d still update this with some sponsored posts once in a while, too.

But as for the girl who vowed to wear her heart on her sleeve, she’s found a new place to fill with her icky thoughts now. And, if you know me, the new URL is not that hard to find. (Not that you’d want to find it.)

It was fun being guitarchic for a while. c”,)

First of all, you should probably read the previous post before reading this, if you haven’t yet.

So. Yeah. Long post ahead.

Some people have been asking me how it’s like, you know, to have it. And since I have not seen any H1N1-positive around who had the courage to say something about it online, I thought, perhaps I could be the first. Besides, after last week’s post, I’m not sure how I can transition back to my giddy self in this blog without saying anything about this “hysteria” (if I may quote someone) that I caused.

* * *

Did you really have H1N1, Riz? Yes, I was tested positive for it.

» Read the rest of this entry «

Funny how I begged out of a Hong Kong weekend with Joni and Maemae (and added another planet ticket to my growing list of wasted plane tickets) because I was feverish at the start of the week, and I didn’t want to run the risk of being exposed to AH1N1 when all along, I’ve been exposed to it already. Me, and my family, and some of my closest friends.

I knoooooow.

Dude. I know.

I know what you’re thinking, because I haven’t stopped thinking about it.

I could be carrying the virus too.

Ohmyalskdfja;lkdsjfalkdsfja;lkd.

(The DOH has been very particular about not disclosing the names of these patients, so for the sake of anonymity, let’s just call my friend “J”. I don’t mind being called “R” when it’s my turn to be in your story, k? K! LOL.)

» Read the rest of this entry «

An entire weekend of bed rest, a late night visit to the isolation room of Medical City, and some cough syrup and antibiotics later, I think I’m finally starting to feel better. :)

It was kind of strange to be coughing like crazy on the week of my birthday, thank God for loved ones who didn’t mind being exposed to my virus to celebrate my 26th birthday with me. Now if the theme of my 25th birthday was good will and remembering childhood, this year, it was surprises — big and small, my entire week was just so full of them.

I didn’t think I’d enjoy being in the receiving end of surprises as I’ve often been the one staging the surprise, but for once, it actually felt good to have family and friends who went the extra mile to remind me (over again) that I am loved.

[You can stop reading here and jump 3 pharagraphs, because I’m gona blabber about people you don’t know next, and I can’t guarantee that you can relate.]

» Read the rest of this entry «

I love reading heartful blogs. Those that, not just give you updates and maybe sell you stuff, but cut deep into your heart and actually make you feel something.

Like Msbeng‘s thoughts-out-loud. I once admitted to her that I lurk in her blog to read her devotions everytime I fail to do mine. *ack*

And Aileen‘s travels, most specially her journals about New York — they make me feel like being transported back to that place, as if I’m experiencing her journey myself.

I think Meemae is a better version of Last Leaf — more spunk, more guts, more heart. And if only Kuya Aleks blogged more, I’d be one avid and happy lurker.

I don’t know about these people but I seem to be having a hard time writing from the heart these days, “from the heart” being the operative phrase. My drafts folder has become a daily dump of frustrations. It’s often easy to start something off, but difficult to finish it.

I still can’t believe sometimes that I’m the same person who would blog her heart out there, unabashed. And not just blog! I’d fight and love and wear my heart on my sleeve and express myself like crazy, and I didn’t mind if people watched me.

So maybe those emo-days are over, and maybe life is less of a melodrama, but the funny thing is, I’m actually missing that younger version of me. Will I ever be like her again?

* * *

On another note, you know how it’s like in the movies when one encounters a near-death experience and life suddenly flashes before his eyes? In real life, those are much likely to happen not in your dying moments, but in times when you feel most alive. Or when you’re going through something you don’t get to go through everyday. Or when you’re in transit.

I remember the few times it happened to me.

I was on my flight to Los Angeles from New York, ending my 6-day NYC adventure. There aboard the plane, belted to my seat looking out to the window, a montage of images — of Broadway, Central Park, the subway, Staten Island ferry, South Street Sea Port, Times Square, Serendipity Cafe, Brooklyn bridge, and other places in New York I was fortunate enough to experience — reeled in slow motion in my head. It was as if my mind’s way of relishing the events one last time, boxing them up to make room for new ones.

And then it happened on the trip back home from Sydney. (But I won’t bore you with the details now because it’s a longer list. Heh.)

So it happened to me again just recently, with flashbacks that included almost three years worth of corporate drama. Has it been a month already since? (And yes, there’s a longer blog post about this somewhere in my drafts, boo.)

I didn’t think I’d ever have the courage to leave behind a comfort zone in exchange for something new and unsure, but yay I actually did it. And now, the excitement (and uncertainty) is killing me.

But hey, it’s time to chase dreams. And this time, I’m gonna let my heart lead the way. ♥

*image from Michelle Bower

[Backtracked: Oh yay I have posts in my drafts folder, look! Why I didn’t publish this at the time I wrote it, I don’t know. So yeah, here’s something I wrote sometime in November when I was in Sydney. Hee.]

God does have a flair for drama. He paints the Makati skies with a breath-taking sunset just when you start complaining about how awful your boss or your day is. He shows you a 500-peso bill stuck in the backpocket of your jeans, just when you realize that sweldo is still several days away and you don’t have enough lunch money for the week.

And then He answers prayers just when you start thinking that He’s already closed all doors.

In the past four years, I’ve gone through all sorts of phases in this quest — from excitement, anticipation,  and “this is it” moments; to frustration and discouragement; even to the point of giving up.

But hey, Hillsong happened to me last night [November 16, that is]. And if you followed my blogs from day one, you’d know how much this means to me.

How great, how great is our God, indeed.

[Until we meet again, Hills. See ya soon.]

I miss a lot of things. I miss blogging what’s on my mind without worrying if someone will think that my posts are too icky or too unprofessional. (Fine, I miss blogging, period.) I miss pasting receipts, candy wrappers, and movie tickets on my journal, and trying to record moments in writing so I could easily look back.

I miss wandering aimlessly in a foreign place, getting lost, and figuring out my way back by counting hotdog stands. I miss listening to the sounds of a busy subway, and watching people walk their dogs in Central Park. I miss enjoying the sight a *real* cruise ship, and watching the sun set over Darling Harbor while munching on fish and chips with people you love. I miss taking pictures of everything and nothing in particular, and spending hours post-processing my shots.

And then sometimes, I miss myself. Which I used to think was bad. But now, in the course of missing myself, this whole picture of who I *really* am, and who I want to be becomes even more clear in my head.

Icky, all of this, sure. But hey, I’m not scared to be myself anymore. I’m 25 and life’s too short to worry about what other people think. From now on, that’s who I’m going to be — myself. And let me start by being reacquainted with the things I miss.

Oh hai, 2009. I think you and I are going to be good friends. I’m excited to get to know you. :)

I’m gona crash anytime soon *yaaawn*, even though I slept about 6 hours out of the 8 hour trip from MNL to SYD. I originally planned to work on some reports in the plane. Fifteen minutes through it, however, I started to feel dizzy so I decided to take the much needed hibernation instead. (I luuuv it!)

Anywayyy, I’m finally here in Sydney! Woot!

And what better Welcome Committee there is than Jonah, my nephew-slash-godson, who was running and jumping around the Arrival Terminal of the Kingsford Smith Airport when I checked out. (Not that he was excited to see me, haha. I’m sure he barely recognized his Ninang Riz, and was more excited about the huge playground he could run around in).

A lot has happened in the past 24 hours. Every now and then (say, while watching the sunset from the window seat of the plane, or pushing my trolley to the next check-in counter, or taking photos of the “Welcome to Sydney” banners hanging all over the terminal), I’d look back to 4 years ago when I first asked God to send me to this place. I remember all those blogs I posted here and there, documenting each prayer that was answered — even the ones that were not — which ultimately brought me here. Truth be told, Sydney was the first foreign place I ever took interest in. I fell in love with the idea of Sydney long before I wanted to see Singapore or New York or London.

What do you know, I’m here now. Not in the way I expected or hoped or imagined. But it’s actually even better, come to think of it. Ergo, the ultimate reflection of the day has got to be this: Prayers get answered when you trust that God has a better plan for you than you have for yourself. Pretty basic you say, but it sure does work all the time. ;)

I’m ready to explore you, Sydney. Thanks for the warm welcome. :) Xoxo, Riz

And now that the obligatory I’m-here-in-Sydney post is done, I crash. Zzz.

In the airplane on the way to Detroit, this 70-year old woman who was sitting beside me warned me that people don’t walk in New York, they run. Yesterday night, I found out how true it is. Everyone seems to be rushing to go somewhere, and even at way past 12 midnight, Manhattan is still very much alive.

Taken at past 12 midnight at Times Square

I had to make the most out of my first day in New York (and first day in the US), jetlagged and all. (My body clock is sooo screwed, but who cares!) A friend of mine was generous enough to take me around, and I was in constant amazement the whole time, as if I was living a day inside a Hollywood movie. For starters, I got to walk the streets of Queens, experience the subway, walk around Times Square and take photos, look up the high and mighty buildings of Manhattan, watch a real Broadway show (and Phantom of the Opera no less!!), and have my first Hollywood sighting (Daniel Radcliffe in the flesh). And let me just add that I love having to wear scarves for what they’re really purposed for — not to make a fashion statement but to keep myself warm. :)

New York is loooove. Everything is new to me and I’m taking it all in. At first I had fears of feeling alienated in a place like this, being an Asian in a sea of Americans. But I immediately forgot about it the moment I experienced firsthand the diverse culture that is New York. I felt like Manhattan embraced me with arms wide open. While it didn’t really feel like *home* (no, not yet, not at all), it surprisingly gave me a sense of belongingness — an assurance that I won’t have to worry about being different because everyone sure is different, like I’m swimming in a sea of cultures blending with each other beautifully.

Today, I’ll have more walkathons around Manhattan — I’ll make sure I wear the proper attire nao, the hoodie was a stuuupid mistake (it’s too cold here.) There’s a lot of places I have to see, I’m not sure where to start.

Be nice to me, New York. I promise I’ll be nice to you too. Let’s be friends. :)

P.S. Hey Mom, don’t worry about me. I’m having the time of my life. :)

Daniel Radcliffe, in the flesh. :)

And I didn’t just see him from a far, he was literally right in front of me, too close for me to grab him and propose marriage but of course I didn’t do that because the willpower to keep myself together in this city where everyone seems to be elegant and composed got the best of me.

You see, my friend took me to watch Phantom of the Opera on my first night here, and Equus happened to be showing in the theater just right beside. And just as we were leaving the the Majestic Theater where the Phantom was being shown, the cast of Equus was on their way out the backstage of Broadhurst and voila, we were just in time to take photos.

Harry Potter and I were destined to be in the same place at the same time, and on my first night in New York no less — take that. I’m loving every bit of this city. Hee. :)

See more photos of my first day adventure here. :)