Past Life

This is why I don’t mind not having a TV in the condo (my roommate‘s taking it home with her). With Gossip Girl, One Tree Hill, Heroes, Prison Break, and now, Grey’s Anatomy downloads to keep me occupied, who needs the tube? (Spoilers ahead.)

So the Grey’s Anatomy gang is back, and let me just say the first two minutes made me grip my pillow a bit too tighter — not like they can really take Derek Shepherd’s character off the story.

McDreamy is still as dreamy as ever, Mark Sloan is still annoyingly but irresistibly cute, Meredith Grey is still made of emo (sometimes too emo haha), Miranda Bailey’s still my most favorite character, and Cristina Yang.. she has got to be my new idol. Her bitterness and cynicism FTW! (Take it from Yang, happily ever afters are not real, yeh.)

And then there’s George O’malley who’s more gay than ever (it’s too obvious to hide), making Lexie’s fascination of him a bit awkward. The team up of Callie Torres and Erica Han is still a bit icky but is taking an exciting turn, Alex Karev is still way too unpredictable, and Izzie Stevens is still the mushiest thing. I can’t think of a character that I didn’t like. Even the army surgeon (Cristina’s new love interest) is hawt!

I’ve always thought that GA script is made of win, that it’s the perfect blend of emo, cynicism, and medical psychobabble that I never thought I would consider to be interesting (I never really liked House or Scrubs or ER even when I tried).

GA’s bound to an exciting season, yay. And let me just say getting a glimpse of Denny towards the end of the episode made my heart skip a beat. Now there’s an idea. What if they let Izzie keep this imaginary love affair with his dead ex boyfriend in their own alternate universe, then we could all anticipate Denny’s surprise appearances throughout the season, yay. Too bad GA’s not like Heroes or Prison Break where they can twist the story around just to bring a dead character back. Hmm. No wait.

I’m officially hooked again.

Quotable quotes from Grey’s Anatomy after the jump.

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(Truth Thursday on a Friday: Here’s what I really want to say.. *ehem*)

Love has been defined countless of ways, and to add my own version is a fear I guess I’ll never overcome. I mean, take it from a girl who thinks that “love sucks” is probably the most profound thing she’s ever blogged about love. Get the picture?

So I’m simply quoting a classic, because I actually think it’s true: Love hurts. No matter how you look at it, it hurts, and if it doesn’t for you yet, it soon will.

I mean, look:

Must remain superhero.

Must choose social reputation.

Must choose loyalty.

Must remain friend.

Fine, the last part is just ME. There’s no romance between Harry and Hermione, I know right, but oh how I wish there is! :)

And fine, it’s no fair that I used fictional characters to prove my point. Then again, this needs no exhibits. Love does hurt. Love without pain, or sacrifice, is not love at all. Ultimately, when it starts to hurt, that’s when love is most real. Correct me if I’m wrong, I’m not an expert at this. But with love, IMHO, ending up together is (probably) not the most important thing.

So hey, it’s me, love blogging over coffee break, and loving the bittersweet taste of my coffee that has gone cold.

(In fairness, blogging about love is more enjoyable to me than bloggging about food. Then again, it must be the rain.)

Also, you think I should start working on my bitterness?

You know those text messages that come just as you need them? Well, I got one tonight. Like, right about now. I know I’ve neglected this site for almost a month already (lots of unfinished posts in my draft, believe me), but I’m breaking the silence now to post another quotable quote from an unknown text sender. Thank you, whoever you are.

Sometimes you just want to quit a battle when things start to hurt. You want to stop and leave everything as it is before the pain gets worse. Times like this, remember that when you’ve prayed and claimed for it even before you’ve stepped in the battlefield, you can be assured that it’s definitely worth going this far.

I know what you’re thinking. Riz has got some problems up her sleeve, eh? Haha. I know right. I have a theory that my boss lurks on my blog everytime I start messing up at work, and fishes for info about my personal life, then devices a way to motivate me from there, hehe. Works all the time! (Ehem, just a theory.)

But no worries. I’m okay. No problem too big my Big God can’t fix.

Meanwhile, I’m too caught up with so many things, work and stuff. Just wanted to share the text message above, in case you need it too.

Be Right Back. ;)

I can’t believe I’d be quoting from a highschool crush (eek, I know right) who’s now a good friend I can occasionally talk to. I just can’t help but feel how much what he said makes sense, and how timely too, in a world where unbelief is staple and true love is hard to find.

When we pray for love, He doesn’t zap us with warm, fuzzy feelings, He gives us the opportunity to love. And I think, that within that impossibly hard and unchangeable situation, there lies best place to cultivate the love that we are all looking for.

I guess there’s no better way I could rephrase those words. So I quote.

It just so happened that I was watching Grey’s Anatomy Season 4‘s 5th episode Haunt You Everyday, on the day the whole country’s celebrating All Soul’s Day — the first one where I actually have a Dad (who passed away) to remember.

I’m loving George O’Malley’s character in Season 4. Anyway, this is, if not the most, one of the most moving speech in the episode for me.

I dont have kids, so i dont know how its like to lose a child but i do know how its like to lose a parent. Your daughter loved you, i saw her this morning, she was fighting for you. She’s fighting for your life. You’re her dad. You’re her dad, she won’t leave you, I know that. I also know that she would want you to have her heart. I would have given my dad my heart if i could. If I could have saved him, I would have given him my heart. ~ George

I felt what George said. I would have given mine to my Dad too, if I had the chance. But okay, let’s save the drama for a later post.

That is, if I get the courage to write one. Sigh.

…I’d light it up, close my eyes, think of home (wherever home is), and fly as far away from here as possible in a heartbeat.

Yvaine, dear Yvaine.. I know how it feels. You wake up from a shallow sleep, and for one moment you wonder where you are and why in the world you’re there. You know you should be in a place where there are no worries, no pain, no fears — yep, that place where all that’s required of you is to shine. But no matter how much you want to go back, deep inside you know that there’s a reason why you are where you are and you have to get through it so you can find your way home.

Image from the movie, Stardust.

So I just woke up from a powernap — one I needed to take because I was feeling tired and stressed and sulky — and these happened to be my first thoughts: stars, babylon candles, pirate ships, and being anywhere but here. (Just lovely, Riz). So much for watching emo films that have the word “star” in them huh. Have I become such a loser? Is there anyone else out there who thinks it’s normal to be feeling the way I do right now? I’m oversensitive. I overanalyze things. I worry about the future. I care so much about expectations. I cry over random things. I want to be anywhere but where I am. I hate myself and I often wish I’m not.. ME. Pretty problematic, huh.

Worse is, I rant endlessly to the boyfriend and the girlfriend about things I cannot change. And sometimes, I become cranky too. Which is weird (and sad) because come to think of it, I’m living a comfortable life, I’m blessed, and I’m loved. At least I know it’s something remotely similar to how she feels. (I’m not alone, yay me!) But I also know that this is beyond PMS or QLC. That this is beyond me. That at one point, this too shall pass, but until then, I need to have the courage and the patience to endure.

Ergo, I try to entertain myself. I think of myself as Yvaine, a star who fell down from heavens. And as I try to figure out how to fly back to the starry skies, someone appears in front of me with a babylon candle. (If you haven’t seen Stardust, the babylon candle allows one to travel wherever he/she wishes. “The fastest way to travel is by candlelight,” Una said.) I can finally fly home.

If only fairy tales are real and I have in my possession one of those babylon candles, I think I know exactly where I want to fly to right now. Three places.

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I remembered her because I happened to have browsed through a local magazine this morning which had a short feature about her. You probably don’t know this girl, but her name is Abigail Breslin, and she’s one of the top child star earners in Hollywood this year (albeit being at a low profile), along with Hillary Duff, Dakota Fanning, and High School Musical’s Vanessa Hudgens.

Her name probably didn’t ring a bell too, so let me help you a bit. She was the adorable little girl named Sarah in Raising Helen, a movie shown in 2004 starred by Kate Hudson. Yup, she was that girl who had a stuffed Hippo, who talked about her nose boogie, and cried over tying her shoe laces.

Three years after, she was the not-so-little-anymore girl named Zoe, who starred with Catherine Zeta Jones at No Reservations. (Which I happened to have watched on the big screen last month). There were more stuffed animals now, and she’s grown, hence, she was more fierce and stubborn and sensitive in this film.

Interestingly, the common thing about Abigail Breslin’s characters, Sarah and Zoe, is that in both movies, she had lost her parents at such a young age. Sarah’s parents died in a car accident at Raising Helen, and Zoe’s mom died also in a car accident at No Reservations.

Funny how she’s always casted for roles like that — lost little girl, trying to get over the death of her parents, starting a whole new life with an aunt who knows little about her, seeking attention in different forms and ways. And dude, she’s played the role well.

Then again, she probably didn’t have to exert too much effort playing that role. I mean, how natural is it to feel lost? Come to think of it, there’s always that lost little girl inside every woman’s heart that is wanting to feel that sense of belongingness, hoping to find someone who will care for her on top of everything else, and seeking that “place” she can call home.

Point is, I envy her. Man. She gets paid millions of dollars playing a role I do so well. Tsk.

And this time I mean it that way, and this way:

Holly Golightly: You know those days when you get the mean reds?

Paul Varjak: The mean reds, you mean like the blues?

Holly: No. The blues are because you’re getting fat and maybe it’s been raining too long, you’re just sad that’s all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you’re afraid and you don’t know what you’re afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?

Paul: Sure.

From Breakfast at Tiffany’s, through Normi.

Here’s more QLC drama for you. I swear it’s a vicious cycle. It never ends. Pfft.