Past Life

I absolutely enjoyed Central Park, but looking back now, I think I may have experienced it at such a boring an ordinary time of the year. Thanks to Mitz and Kuya Jojo who’ve been *unconsciously* providing me my regular dose of New York fix, I realized that I missed a lot because I was in New York a few days earlier, in a trip that was a tad too short. Blpht.

Sure, I saw the Wollman Rink where Kate Beckinsale and John Cusack had their Serendipity moment. But when I was there in October, the rink wasn’t ready for skating, and the leaves wore dull shades of green.

Wollman Rink in October 2008

A few days after I left New York, Central Park bloomed with all sorts of Autumn colors, and Wollman Rink started to look like a totally different and magical place!

Taken by Mitzi, Autumn

A few more weeks later, winter came by and Wollman Rink sparkled with glittery snow.

Taken by Kuya Jojo, Winter

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I miss a lot of things. I miss blogging what’s on my mind without worrying if someone will think that my posts are too icky or too unprofessional. (Fine, I miss blogging, period.) I miss pasting receipts, candy wrappers, and movie tickets on my journal, and trying to record moments in writing so I could easily look back.

I miss wandering aimlessly in a foreign place, getting lost, and figuring out my way back by counting hotdog stands. I miss listening to the sounds of a busy subway, and watching people walk their dogs in Central Park. I miss enjoying the sight a *real* cruise ship, and watching the sun set over Darling Harbor while munching on fish and chips with people you love. I miss taking pictures of everything and nothing in particular, and spending hours post-processing my shots.

And then sometimes, I miss myself. Which I used to think was bad. But now, in the course of missing myself, this whole picture of who I *really* am, and who I want to be becomes even more clear in my head.

Icky, all of this, sure. But hey, I’m not scared to be myself anymore. I’m 25 and life’s too short to worry about what other people think. From now on, that’s who I’m going to be — myself. And let me start by being reacquainted with the things I miss.

Oh hai, 2009. I think you and I are going to be good friends. I’m excited to get to know you. :)

Did you know that the Greeks didn’t write obituaries or eulogies?  They only asked one question after a man died: “Did he have passion?”

Hep. Before you start googling those lines to see if I plagiarized a Hollywood film because you’re thinking, hey, that sounds familiar, let me help you by saying that yes, those aren’t my own words. They’re actually from the movie Serendipity.

And let me help you remember that movie by posting this:

Serendipity Cafe at East 60th Street

Sorry, I just had to post that one. I was there!! :P

You see, that’s one of the things I waste precious hours over lately. I’d watch old movies taken in New York sighing over the designer clothes, and if I see a place I happened to have been to when I was there, I’d open up my folder of photos again and look for that place and sigh and wish I could somehow go back.

Anyway, the point is, the New York fever is still not cured. And I’m currently stuck in that phase where replaying NY movies is more important to me than taking my regular dose of stress tabs. Or adjusting my sleeping habits so I can go to work early the next day.

The other day I dreamt I was lost in the subway, not knowing which train to take. And then the most annoying blonde approached me with her perfect teeth and perfectly combed hair and perfect New York accent, and she was the one who actually helped me find my way. Why, Lord, why those dreams? :(

And. I’m. Losing. My. Train. Of. Thought. Again.

What I’m really trying to share is, and I do have a point.. in the course of trying to nurse this seemingly incurable disease that New York left me with, I actually had an epiphany. And what do you know, a line in a movie actually made me realize what could be missing in this life of mine.

Passion.

I need to find passion. To be so obsessed about something again enough to make me wake up early in the morning and face the day with excitement. New Yorkers strike me that way — they’re a people full of passion and drive to move and live; after all, they probably won’t be able to survive a place like that not armed with loads of those.

And that’s probably what I need, too. I need a purpose greater than finding the perfect pair of boots. (Which I haven’t found yet, by the way, unless I finally decide to succumb to that Aldo pair which has been the closest thing to perfect, so far. Italktoomuchblahblah.) Or, perhaps, I need to re-evaluate myself and find that one thing that I used to be passionate about, and be re-acquainted with it.

And who knows, someday, that one question that the Greeks used to ask will be answered with a resounding YES in this life of mine.

I’m getting there, I know it. When I find it, I’ll let you know.

I wish I blogged more when I was there. Sure, I flooded my Multiply contacts’ inboxes with truckloads of photos, and I betcha, I can still retell the places I’ve been to and the events that transpired in my entire trip (in chronological order, take that). But still, I wish I journal-ed more. I can recall how it felt to be there, but I often wish that years from now, I could still have a way of remembering things a bit more vividly because I know that soon enough, everything would start to be blurry.

So everyday since I got back in Manila three weeks ago, I would click on the Write tab in my wordpress dashboard and stare at the blank space where my most favorite New York moments should have been, transcribed in words. I would browse through the unorganized clutter of photos (thousands of them) in my macbook, and flip through them for hours, and if that ain’t enough, I’d Google random New York images OR cyber-walk around Manhattan on Street View.

I’m not sure if it’s really New York that I miss or the feeling of being in a fabulus and foreign place. Then again, I could always compare New York to California (because California is also a fabulous and foreign place) and still say with all my heart that it is definitely NEW YORK (specifically, Manhattan) that I miss.

I mean, I watched High School Musical three-freakin-times, and my favorite has always been Ryan and Sharpay’s production number, I Want It All. (And if you’ve seen the film, you should know what I’m talking about.) Gossip Girl has become an important part of my week — it is imperative that I get my weekly dose. Little mentions of places in New York make my heart skip a beat, as if it has grown an additional artery that’s extra NY-sensitive.

I miss New York every single day. I miss watching the weather forecast early in the morning, to know whether or not to put my Suede coat on. I miss the subways and the sound of the train’s love affair with the rails as if music to the ears. (My ipod has always accompanied me everywhere I walk, but I had to take it away walking around Manhattan because I wanted to hear everything.)

I dare not say I fell in love with New York, because the last person I know who said those words left his wonderful life in Manila in exchange for uncertainty — to start a whole new life in a place where change is more constant than anywhere else in the world, and to live there for good.

Well, I’m not that obssessed yet. :)

I guess to me, New York will never be/feel like home, exactly why I long to be back there — to be away from home as I know it, and to experience more of the unknown as much as I can, while I still can.

In the airplane on the way to Detroit, this 70-year old woman who was sitting beside me warned me that people don’t walk in New York, they run. Yesterday night, I found out how true it is. Everyone seems to be rushing to go somewhere, and even at way past 12 midnight, Manhattan is still very much alive.

Taken at past 12 midnight at Times Square

I had to make the most out of my first day in New York (and first day in the US), jetlagged and all. (My body clock is sooo screwed, but who cares!) A friend of mine was generous enough to take me around, and I was in constant amazement the whole time, as if I was living a day inside a Hollywood movie. For starters, I got to walk the streets of Queens, experience the subway, walk around Times Square and take photos, look up the high and mighty buildings of Manhattan, watch a real Broadway show (and Phantom of the Opera no less!!), and have my first Hollywood sighting (Daniel Radcliffe in the flesh). And let me just add that I love having to wear scarves for what they’re really purposed for — not to make a fashion statement but to keep myself warm. :)

New York is loooove. Everything is new to me and I’m taking it all in. At first I had fears of feeling alienated in a place like this, being an Asian in a sea of Americans. But I immediately forgot about it the moment I experienced firsthand the diverse culture that is New York. I felt like Manhattan embraced me with arms wide open. While it didn’t really feel like *home* (no, not yet, not at all), it surprisingly gave me a sense of belongingness — an assurance that I won’t have to worry about being different because everyone sure is different, like I’m swimming in a sea of cultures blending with each other beautifully.

Today, I’ll have more walkathons around Manhattan — I’ll make sure I wear the proper attire nao, the hoodie was a stuuupid mistake (it’s too cold here.) There’s a lot of places I have to see, I’m not sure where to start.

Be nice to me, New York. I promise I’ll be nice to you too. Let’s be friends. :)

P.S. Hey Mom, don’t worry about me. I’m having the time of my life. :)

Daniel Radcliffe, in the flesh. :)

And I didn’t just see him from a far, he was literally right in front of me, too close for me to grab him and propose marriage but of course I didn’t do that because the willpower to keep myself together in this city where everyone seems to be elegant and composed got the best of me.

You see, my friend took me to watch Phantom of the Opera on my first night here, and Equus happened to be showing in the theater just right beside. And just as we were leaving the the Majestic Theater where the Phantom was being shown, the cast of Equus was on their way out the backstage of Broadhurst and voila, we were just in time to take photos.

Harry Potter and I were destined to be in the same place at the same time, and on my first night in New York no less — take that. I’m loving every bit of this city. Hee. :)

See more photos of my first day adventure here. :)