Past Life

Dance With My Father Again

June 22nd, 2008 § 5

Someone in Pinoy Dream Academy sang this song last night, and while I wasn’t really paying attention who the singer was, I was simply drawn to the message of the song.

If I could get another chance
Another walk, another dance with him
Iâ€™d play a song that would never, ever end
How Iâ€™d love, love, love to dance with my father again

Googling the few lines I remembered, I found out that the song was “Dance with My Father Again” by a certain Tamyra Gray. Clicked Limewire. Searched. Downloaded. In a few minutes I had the song looped in iTunes.

It probably goes without saying that there was a lot of tears involved while this was happening. Being alone in the condo/apartment which I just recently moved in to (will blog more about this in a bit), it was easier to just cry that time (than hold back), get it over and done with, and be ready to smile again for when my Mom and kuya picked me up.

Father’s Day has passed again. I didn’t anticipate that I would be sentimental about it, but just like last year, there was this inevitable longing to have someone to hug and say, “Happy Father’s Day, Daddy, I love you” to. The traditional Father’s Day tribute at church had once again made me hide my swollen eyes under my sunglasses.

There’s not a day that I don’t miss Daddy, and there are moments, such as celebrating Father’s Day, and hearing songs such as “Dance with my Father Again”, when the pain of (physically) losing him just tugs deep into my heart again. And I’m little by little learning to accept that this is how it’s going to be the rest of my life.

(Following Liz’s lead, however late.) Here’s for you, Dad. :)

Also, my one wish, encapsulated in the few lines of this song: “If I could steal one final glance, One final step, one final dance with him, Iâ€™d play a song that would never, ever end, How Iâ€™d love, love, love to dance with my father again..”

Dance with my Father Again sung by Tamyra Gray | CLICK HERE

By the Way, I Turned 25

May 31st, 2008 § 11

There’s nothing magical about turning 25. At least I’ve proven that myself now. There was no thunder and lightning, no additional white hairs (at least none that I noticed of), no booming voice from above sending specific life instructions your way. Mostly, everything’s just a continuation of the day before, just like any other year. Some say that things are bound to change from here on — but I guess that’s a pretty generic thing to say, after all, everything’s bound to change anyway.

But one of the cool things about being 25 is perhaps, the illusion that you really are a grown-up now. (No, I’m not sure I was ever regarded as a “grown-up” when I was 24. Hah!)

“We’re grown-ups now, and it’s our turn to decide what that means.” Yeah! :P

Yep, no one would dare tell you you’re “too young” for something when you’re 25. (Except maybe too young to die? Hmm.) But well, 25 years is a lot of years, I know right. I was thinking of blogging about 25 things I learned on my 25th year, or 25 places I want to go to this year, or 25 items in my shopping list, or 25 gifts I received.. but gaah, 25 is just too many now for this lazy blogger that I am. Sorry naman.

So let me just make kwento about how I spent my 25th birthday. :)

Ironically, while it was my official grand entrance to the world of quarter-life, I ended up celebrating a pink day in the office (which kind of reminds me of Disney princess, lol), and a Mcdonald’s kiddie party with my most favorite kids in the world. Not too grown-up, eh? :)

The first one was a surprise — my team came to work in pink, and because I was overwhelmed by the pinkness that they were, we had boxes of pizza delivered in the afternoon. Thanks guys, I’ve never seen that much pink in my life it’s.. sickening. :))

USAP’s SEO-Internet Marketing Department in Pink

The second one was rather impulsive — (accidentally) passing by Mcdonalds two days before my birthday, I decided to book a kiddie party right there and then. I’ve always wanted one but I didn’t really plan on having it this year. But now I realize that it was definitely the best time to do it. I would have invited my friends too, but I thought it would be more meaningful to share it with kids, specifically those who have not experienced being in one before. So I invited them:

Here are the boys from SBC’s Street Children Ministry

My Dad loved these kids. Some of them are homeless, some have families in the urban poor areas in Manila, some don’t even know who their parents are. The smile on their faces is undoubtedly the best gift I’ve ever received. :)

My bible study group was there too, full support yay :)

..and of course teh whole family. Still missing Daddy, but we know he’s always with us. :)

So yep, that was my 25th birthday. Couldn’t have spent it any other way. I guess if there’s one thing I learned that day, it would be acknowledging that one can’t really live alone and independent from anyone — and still be genuinely happy. Life is simply not worth living if you don’t have people to share it with.

I’ve experienced independence (to some extent), and sometimes I enjoy being in solitude too. But to go through this journey without family and friends backing you up, or without someone holding your hand and giving you everything-is-going-to-be-alright hugs when you need them, or without a God who’s in control of even the littlest details in your life.. ugh, living is simply impossible. Thank God He allowed me to have all these. Thank God that I didn’t have to go through the past 25 years, and that I won’t have to go through the next 25 years, by myself.

Happy Birthday to me. :)

Segue: Interested to have a Mcdonald’s kiddie party in the Philippines? Details after the jump. ;)

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Hillsong Conference 2008 Yay!

May 13th, 2008 § 23

With my new apartment now officially the worst thing that’s ever happened to the history of apartment-hopping (no Globe Visibility signal in my room, landlord’s PLDT connection gone blpht, cable connections not compatible with the TV, not to mention the leak that drown our stuff on the first day but don’t let me rant about that one), I nominate last week as the newest candidate to my worst weeks ever.

But that is, until yesterday, when THIS was delivered to me. Waah. :)

Yup, that’s right. There’s my ticket to one whole week of Hillsong bliss at the Acer Arena, happening on July 7-11 of this year.

But of course, I’m still not even halfway through making it. It’s just that teh boyfriend and I registered for the early-bird promo around November last year, so I’ve been getting all these mails since the start of the year — (1) confirmation letter of my registration and full-payment, (2) support document for my visa application, and (3) just yesterday, the ticket to the Hillsong Nights which comes free to those who registered.

Just the sight of my ticket, and my very own seat (well, at least the seat number), has kept me elated until now. So.. up next, Australian visa application. I just hope my fingerprints starts to cooperate already. Uggh, the fingerprints? That’s another story.

Come to think of it, whatever happens within the next 60 days — I know for sure that in the long run, I can smile and be happy with the fact that I got this far. :)

I Heart My Mom

May 12th, 2008 § 5

Responding to Joni’s tag, albeit a day too late. (No need to tag others now, eh?)

$Mother\'s Day 2008$

In the spirit of delayed mother’s day greetings, I uploaded more pics here. :)
Happy Mother’s Day, Mommy. You’re super. As always.

It’s true what we often hear them say (especially in our younger years when we seem to enjoy fighting with them all the time, heh) — someday, we’ll understand what they do for our own good, and appreciate their role in our lives. I guess that “someday” has come to me now.

So hey.. in behalf of those who, at some point in their lives, shut their doors to their moms’ faces, I raise the white flag in humble defeat. They’re right. They do know what’s best.

Happy Mother’s day to all moms out there. :)

Do You Ever Want to Go Back?

May 3rd, 2008 § 5

At the risk of making this blog look like a One Tree Hill fan blog, here’s another feel-good snapshot from Season 5, Episode 15 entitled Life is Short.

I can name two people who loved (will love) this scene. Three, if you count me. It’s nice to see Brooke and Lucas in a different level of friendship now, considering the failure of their on-screen and real-life love story. (Hmm, could it still be..?) Even more so, it’s nice to see how much these characters have grown, and how their lives have changed in a way that’s so familiar you can almost feel their pain, and struggles, and joy, even from the other side of the TV screen.

Lucas, Brooke, and Little Angie

Brooke: Do you ever want to go back? I remember being sixteen, and everything just seemed much easier. Would you do it differently?

Lucas: I’d try to appreciate the things I took for granted. But I think we have to go through all these stuff you know, to get to the places we want to be.

“Sometimes when you’re young, you think nothing can hurt you.. it’s like being invincible. Your whole life is ahead of you, you have your big plans — to find your perfect match, the one that completes you. But as you get older, you realize that it’s not always that easy.” Well, there goes Lucas Scott’s VO for you.

It reminded me of that open letter I blogged more than a year ago. (How bitter can my bachelorette life be! Heh!) Don’t get me wrong, I’m turning quarter-of-a-hundred in a few weeks, and I actually love how this life is turning out to be, complexities and all.

But it’s really just easier to WANT to grow up until you come to a point where everything just flies by too fast, and bills start piling up, and responsibilities start getting bigger and bigger. Suddenly, you hear your younger self lobbying inside you, complaining about still being too young to handle too much grown-up stuff. Missing what used to be, and wishing you’re back to that time when life is simpler, are just some of the things you expect to happen frequently as you grow older.

A while ago, we finished packing up our 7-month worth of mess. Tomorrow In a few hours, Ivy and I will be moving to a new apartment, and I’ll be saying buhbye to Aster after two melodramatic years together in the lalaland of Ortigas. (I’m gonna miss her terribly. *sniff*)

I’m starting to master the art of moving from one place of residence to another already. This is the fourth, in a span of about 2 years, and I’m hoping this move will be the last for me. Hopefully, the next one will involve packing up 20+ years worth of mess, and moving to a place big enough to build a family in.

Err. Okay, that may be a little too advanced to think about at this point but whatdahek. Grown-up stuff, you know.

I Heart Brooke Even More Now

April 25th, 2008 § 6

Yes, this is a spoiler, if you haven’t seen Episode 14. :P

I held my breath long after the screen had gone blank. As of my most favorite One Tree Hill moments, Brooke Davis’ dream come true has, no doubt, climbed the charts. Definitely the perfect ending to an episode that was aptly titled, “What Do You Go Home To?” See, it inspired ME to blog, that must be something huh? :)

So.. Have you ever had that feeling? Waiting anxiously, almost impatiently, and finally getting the very thing you’ve dreamed of and fought for? That’s exactly what this Brooke moment was about.

Waiting, fidgeting, searching far and wide

Worried about what to do, scared to know how it would finally feel

And then.. the moment just happens. You watch your dream come closer and closer to your reach, and you brace yourself to finally grab it with arms wide open

..and you stare at it in awe, giving yourself mental slaps to see if it’s real and that you’re not just dreaming anymore. And when the reality of it finally sinks in, you know that every agonizing step towards that moment is worth it all.

It’s as if all fears are gone, and suddenly.. you forget that the rest of the world is happening around you, and all uncertainties are replaced with that one sweet moment of euphoria (see Brooke’s smile? Classic.)

..and everything just starts to make sense. You freeze that moment in your heart, make it linger for as long as you can, until you’re ready to carefully land your feet back on the ground.

Then the moment passes, and you go on living your life â€” only a little better, a little sweeter, a little lovelier this time.

Meh. I want to feel that moment again. No, I’m not getting a baby (although I’ve been sooo drawn to wanting one, no thanks to Sheila’s pregnancy; and having to hear Johann stories and the joys and perils of motherhood from Maia every single day).

It’s near. I can feel it. I’m coming home. One dream is going to come true for me real’ soon. :)

Just in Time

April 10th, 2008 Comments Off on Just in Time

You know those text messages that come just as you need them? Well, I got one tonight. Like, right about now. I know I’ve neglected this site for almost a month already (lots of unfinished posts in my draft, believe me), but I’m breaking the silence now to post another quotable quote from an unknown text sender. Thank you, whoever you are.

Sometimes you just want to quit a battle when things start to hurt. You want to stop and leave everything as it is before the pain gets worse. Times like this, remember that when you’ve prayed and claimed for it even before you’ve stepped in the battlefield, you can be assured that it’s definitely worth going this far.

I know what you’re thinking. Riz has got some problems up her sleeve, eh? Haha. I know right. I have a theory that my boss lurks on my blog everytime I start messing up at work, and fishes for info about my personal life, then devices a way to motivate me from there, hehe. Works all the time! (Ehem, just a theory.)

But no worries. I’m okay. No problem too big my Big God can’t fix.

Meanwhile, I’m too caught up with so many things, work and stuff. Just wanted to share the text message above, in case you need it too.

Be Right Back. ;)

When You Pray for Love

March 17th, 2008 Comments Off on When You Pray for Love

I can’t believe I’d be quoting from a highschool crush (eek, I know right) who’s now a good friend I can occasionally talk to. I just can’t help but feel how much what he said makes sense, and how timely too, in a world where unbelief is staple and true love is hard to find.

When we pray for love, He doesn’t zap us with warm, fuzzy feelings, He gives us the opportunity to love. And I think, that within that impossibly hard and unchangeable situation, there lies best place to cultivate the love that we are all looking for.

I guess there’s no better way I could rephrase those words. So I quote.

One Tree Hill's 100th Episode Up Next

March 15th, 2008 § 14

Warning to all non-OTH viewers, you’ll probably want to skip reading this one. To all OTH viewers, don’t worry, no spoilers. :)

So I’m averaging barely 4 hours of sleep a day the whole week. I have two wedding album layouts on queue, not to mention that letter that my Mom’s asked me to do, and a bunch of deadlines for some freelance projects. But here’s how my Friday night went: spent the first few hours over an undeserved shopping spree with my over-used credit card, and, as soon as I got home, spent the last two hours watching the last two One Tree Hill episodes that I missed.

One Tree Hill, Season 5

As if that’s not enough, I wasted away a few more hours searching about what’s gona happen in the next episode, which, apparently, is One Tree Hill’s 100th. And now I blog about it too. (Loser, I know!) Ergo, I come to a point of surrender, acknowledging that I should probably just get this confession over and done with so I could start helping myself to go back to my responsibilities: I’m hooked. And let me just say I’m relieved that OTH is not affected by the writers’ boycott, or else I’d be having major dilemmas on how to squeeze One Tree Hill, Grey’s Anatomy, and Heroes in my schedule. (GA and Heroes are relaunching in May, I hear.)

I’m surprised with how my emotions were stirred while watching my much-awaited downloads tonight. It’s just a friggin show, I know right. But while they are actors — who, I should add, have so darn well improved through the years — and while this is just a very well-plotted fiction, my attachment to the reality of love, betrayal, friendship, quarter-life, make-or-break career decisions, the existence of people you’d love to hate, and dealing with the consequences of the past, prevailed. Good job, guys. Compared to the first four seasons, I can actually relate to what’s happening to these characters now.

OTH’s 100th episode next week! :)

So Nathan and Haley are still together when the season started, but of course someone has to add some conflict to the oh-so-solid love team. Lucas is still getting away with his impulsiveness, his smooth pick-up lines, and his over-all macho personality that is just too good to be true. I mean, how can someone who managed to jump from one relationship to another, impulsively offered marriage to two women, kissed his ex-girlfriend and proposed to his present girlfriend all in a span of an hour, and ruined friendships along the way, still be portrayed as someone gentle, and sensitive, and kindhearted? (Don’t get me wrong, I like Lucas. His character is just soo.. confusing sometimes.)

And then there’s Brooke, who still happens to be my most favorite character of all. She’s found success in her career, and has learned to be sensitive and generous to anyone who needs help. She’s still bubbly and playful and charming, lighting up the room wherever she goes. (Confession, I still want her and Lucas to end up together haha). I love her front-act confidence, and the fact that underneath “the clothes”, she’s scared, and unsure, and just wanting to be rescued like any other girl more than anything.

Brooke and Jaime, my most fave characters. :)

Finally, I love how they added Jamie’s cute little character in the story. It’s as if they placed this adorable kid in the midst of everyone as a witness to all their semi-adult drama, so we can smile after wanting to pull Carrie’s hair off, or as your heart breaks for Peyton who’s lost the love of her life.

So yeah. Anyway. I can’t wait to watch the 100th episode. Lucas and Lindsey are getting married, and I can’t wait to find out if it’s REALLY going to happen.

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