Protected: Sometimes It's Easier to be Alone
December 27th, 2007 Enter your password to view comments.
Merry Christmas Everyone! :)
December 24th, 2007 § 8
Three hours to Christmas here in the Philippines, yay. I’m sure you’re all busy with a lot of things — as I am. (I’m in a family reunion as I type this. Boo.) But here’s me taking a break for a few minutes from all the festivities to wish everyone happy holidays. So yeah.
Blessings to you and your family. Merry Christmas! :)
Year-End Resolutions, It's Never too Late
December 6th, 2007 Comments Off on Year-End Resolutions, It's Never too Late
I can’t believe I’m listing resolutions three weeks too early (or 11 months too late, however you’d want to look at it). It’s just that.. I’m kind of hating myself right now. And I have to stop for a while, reflect, take things down, and refocus, before I start hurting more people around me. If you know what I’m talking about.
Coz you see, during the course of trying so hard to be responsible and trying to protect the people I love, I start to lose myself. And I realize that if I continue being so, I’d eventually lose everything I hold dear to my heart.
And let me just say that it’s tragic, reading pages and pages of blogs and journal entries bearing the same thoughts — the same resolutions — through the years. You thought you were still young at 23, that you’ve become more matured a year after, but actually, you’ve been whining about the same things then and now. It’s as if you’ve never really learned.
I need to grow up, and fast. Hence, this list of year-end resolutions. I know a list is not going to change anything, but here’s to remind myself, with everyone as my witness, that some major overhaul is going to happen in this life of mine. And unlike the elaborate ones I’ve written before, I’ll make this straight and simple this time.
Think positive things. No more “what if“s from here on. Check.
Be more trusting, especially to those people who trust me. Check.
Forget the past. What happened before does not necessarily mean it’s gonna happen now, or anytime in this lifetime. Check.
Stop worrying. Check.
Be still, and let Him be God. Check. Check.
Sigh.
Right now, I’m a lot of things I don’t want to become. I hurt people unconsciously. I’m insensitive. I’m obsessive-compulsive, but I’m OC at unimportant things. I’m workaholic when I’m not supposed to, and I waste away time when I should be working.
But all of these will change, I promise.
To you, most especially.
Watch me.
Let Me Tell You Something About Break-Ups
November 23rd, 2007 § 16
Heh. I guess you can tell by the title of this post that this is going to be one long icky rant huh. Don’t worry. It’s going to be icky, but I’ll try my best not to make it long. Promise. :P
Lemme just say, before anything else, that I’m blogging this in behalf of my roommates, Aster and Ivy, who are fortunate enough *gag* to get front seats to this quarter-life drama that my life is. Tell me, what could be better (or worse? haha) than spending your 24th year of existence with two ladies who understand what you’re going through because they’re experiencing the same crisis? :)
That being said, there was no need for explanations amongst the three of us when we took our seats inside the cinema of Shangrila Mall for a last full show of One More Chance. No need for explanations when Aster took out her box of tissue and started sniffing. Or when Ivy started making fun of the actors in an attempt to keep the tough act (haha!). Or when I started tapping my feet restlessly because I hated the thought that I could relate to what was happening on screen.
Call it cliche, or jologs, or whatever, but it actually felt weird watching something vaguely familiar. I’m not really a fan of tagalog movies but I’m quite impressed how they managed to capture real-life break-up drama in a made-up story. Of course everything was a haze. Five years worth of ups and downs in a relationship jammed in 20 minutes. Months of sleepless nights and torturous mornings summed up in 2 or 3 scenes. Moving on, adjusting back to being single with a little help from your friends, and getting a new job, all in 30 minutes. Two years of moving away to “find yourself”, fastforwarded to 2 minutes. In real life, it’s more agonizing and longer than that.
The ultimate truth of the matter is, experiencing a break-up is probably one of the most (if not TEH most) liberating, life-altering experience in the world. While it’s mostly painful, it’s an opportunity to get to know yourself a bit more and to acknowledge what you’re worth. It’s the kind of experience you’d want to go back to when you need something to draw strength from, or when you have a friend who needs to be comforted.
Take it from someone who experienced something like it. I’m not an expert at all, just like Aster, or Ivy.. just like the rest of you. Break-ups are real. It happens, but it’s not the end of the world.
Years after you experienced that heartbreak, just like the movies, it’s easier to look back and say it wasn’t that long after all. You’re able to focus on more important things (career, family, friends, yourself), and just when you know you’re ready to love again, someone comes along who’s ready to love you more than anyone has ever loved you before (hey, say cheese). I’m sure you’ll agree when I say nothing beats knowing that the things that happened in the past ultimately brought you where you’re supposed to be. No more regrets.
Life is funny that way. It’s sometimes mushy, sometimes predictable, oftentimes agonizing — it’s a series of ups and downs — but it’s worth living just the same.
Just like a mushy tagalog movie.
Lol. Yeah. Whatever.
Thinking of Daddy on His Birthday
November 16th, 2007 Comments Off on Thinking of Daddy on His Birthday
My Dad would have turned 58 last November 9. I refrained from blogging or writing anything that day because I didn’t want to be too emotional. Besides, my family and I had a fun time together celebrating his birthday over dinner, I didn’t want to ruin it by being the crybaby that I am. :)
Then again, I guess there’s really no way I could avoid missing him and wiping tears off my eyes once in a while. No way I could stop thinking of a lifetime ahead of me without him to share it with.
*Sigh* It’s been almost 8 months. Sometimes it still feels like a dream.
But don’t get me wrong. I’m happy. We‘re happy. Happy that he’s not battling anymore with cardiomyopathy. Happy knowing that he’s not experiencing any more pain. Happy knowing that he’s happy where he is now.
Quotable Quote from George O'Malley
November 3rd, 2007 § 4
It just so happened that I was watching Grey’s Anatomy Season 4‘s 5th episode Haunt You Everyday, on the day the whole country’s celebrating All Soul’s Day — the first one where I actually have a Dad (who passed away) to remember.
I’m loving George O’Malley’s character in Season 4. Anyway, this is, if not the most, one of the most moving speech in the episode for me.
I dont have kids, so i dont know how its like to lose a child but i do know how its like to lose a parent. Your daughter loved you, i saw her this morning, she was fighting for you. She’s fighting for your life. You’re her dad. You’re her dad, she won’t leave you, I know that. I also know that she would want you to have her heart. I would have given my dad my heart if i could. If I could have saved him, I would have given him my heart. ~ George
I felt what George said. I would have given mine to my Dad too, if I had the chance. But okay, let’s save the drama for a later post.
That is, if I get the courage to write one. Sigh.
If Only I Have One of those Babylon Candles
October 30th, 2007 § 8
…I’d light it up, close my eyes, think of home (wherever home is), and fly as far away from here as possible in a heartbeat.
Yvaine, dear Yvaine.. I know how it feels. You wake up from a shallow sleep, and for one moment you wonder where you are and why in the world you’re there. You know you should be in a place where there are no worries, no pain, no fears — yep, that place where all that’s required of you is to shine. But no matter how much you want to go back, deep inside you know that there’s a reason why you are where you are and you have to get through it so you can find your way home.
Image from the movie, Stardust.
So I just woke up from a powernap — one I needed to take because I was feeling tired and stressed and sulky — and these happened to be my first thoughts: stars, babylon candles, pirate ships, and being anywhere but here. (Just lovely, Riz). So much for watching emo films that have the word “star” in them huh. Have I become such a loser? Is there anyone else out there who thinks it’s normal to be feeling the way I do right now? I’m oversensitive. I overanalyze things. I worry about the future. I care so much about expectations. I cry over random things. I want to be anywhere but where I am. I hate myself and I often wish I’m not.. ME. Pretty problematic, huh.
Worse is, I rant endlessly to the boyfriend and the girlfriend about things I cannot change. And sometimes, I become cranky too. Which is weird (and sad) because come to think of it, I’m living a comfortable life, I’m blessed, and I’m loved. At least I know it’s something remotely similar to how she feels. (I’m not alone, yay me!) But I also know that this is beyond PMS or QLC. That this is beyond me. That at one point, this too shall pass, but until then, I need to have the courage and the patience to endure.
Ergo, I try to entertain myself. I think of myself as Yvaine, a star who fell down from heavens. And as I try to figure out how to fly back to the starry skies, someone appears in front of me with a babylon candle. (If you haven’t seen Stardust, the babylon candle allows one to travel wherever he/she wishes. “The fastest way to travel is by candlelight,” Una said.) I can finally fly home.
If only fairy tales are real and I have in my possession one of those babylon candles, I think I know exactly where I want to fly to right now. Three places.
Abigail Breslin, Always the Lost Little Girl
October 26th, 2007 § 5
I remembered her because I happened to have browsed through a local magazine this morning which had a short feature about her. You probably don’t know this girl, but her name is Abigail Breslin, and she’s one of the top child star earners in Hollywood this year (albeit being at a low profile), along with Hillary Duff, Dakota Fanning, and High School Musical’s Vanessa Hudgens.
Her name probably didn’t ring a bell too, so let me help you a bit. She was the adorable little girl named Sarah in Raising Helen, a movie shown in 2004 starred by Kate Hudson. Yup, she was that girl who had a stuffed Hippo, who talked about her nose boogie, and cried over tying her shoe laces.
Three years after, she was the not-so-little-anymore girl named Zoe, who starred with Catherine Zeta Jones at No Reservations. (Which I happened to have watched on the big screen last month). There were more stuffed animals now, and she’s grown, hence, she was more fierce and stubborn and sensitive in this film.
Interestingly, the common thing about Abigail Breslin’s characters, Sarah and Zoe, is that in both movies, she had lost her parents at such a young age. Sarah’s parents died in a car accident at Raising Helen, and Zoe’s mom died also in a car accident at No Reservations.
Funny how she’s always casted for roles like that — lost little girl, trying to get over the death of her parents, starting a whole new life with an aunt who knows little about her, seeking attention in different forms and ways. And dude, she’s played the role well.
Then again, she probably didn’t have to exert too much effort playing that role. I mean, how natural is it to feel lost? Come to think of it, there’s always that lost little girl inside every woman’s heart that is wanting to feel that sense of belongingness, hoping to find someone who will care for her on top of everything else, and seeking that “place” she can call home.
Point is, I envy her. Man. She gets paid millions of dollars playing a role I do so well. Tsk.
I Had a Chat with Gio and Aaron Wall
October 11th, 2007 § 7
I have a confession to make (again). During Gio Villanueva-Wall‘s Q&A on Keyword Research Tools and Tactics at the SEMCON, I was the one who SMS-ed the question “How does it feel like to be Aaron Wall‘s wife?” I mean, seriously, that was a valid question to ask, right? I’m sure a lot of us were curious to know! :)
“I got myself a competition” and “I am married to the Internet!,” Gio said to a room-full of SEMCON attendees. Didn’t I just say that it’s a good SEO technique (for female SEOs) to marry an SEO guru? Hehe. (Way to go Sharm! LOL) :)
Anyway, I was lucky enough to be able to have a chat with Gio when she and Aaron dropped by the Intercon the next day (SEMCON, Day 2). And unexpectedly too, as I just happened to be sitting at the back with some guys from SEO Philippines, near the entrance, when the couple dropped by.
With Gio — yes, that’s my back okaaay.
It was lovely to know that Gio speaks fluent Tagalog, hence it wasn’t that hard for me (LOL) to chitchat about tiangges, and shopping, and boracay, and stuff that are not related to SEO. And it was even more thrilling to know that she happens to be dropping by this blog (guitarchic.net) too once in a while. I mean, really now? :)
And really now, it’s not everyday you get to chat with an SEO rockstar in his shorts and slippers. *starstruck*
Chitchatting with Aaron Wall woohoo :)
Inasmuch as I wanted to ask Aaron more about his book and his SEO secrets, I ended up asking more questions about him and Gio, how he likes it here so far, and his interests aside from SEO, and music (music!! man!! I was talking about music with Aaron Wall, haha), etc.
With the Walls :)
I had my ten minutes worth of air time with the Walls, yay ME — perhaps one of the highlights of my SEMCON experience (which I will blog more about later). Very down-to-earth, both of them. :)
I told Aaron Wall that he’s got a pretty good taste, falling in love with a Filipina. And I could say the same for Gio, for marrying The SEO Book. Er, I mean, the author. Hehe.
As for me, I’m still starstruck. (And wondering if someday, people will tell my husband-to-be that he’s got good taste marrying this SEO girl that I am. Blpht.) :p
*Photos courtesy of Jason Torres, who happened to be holding Konks, my camera, when I was having the grand SEMCON time of my life.
Michael Scofield is Still Breaking Prisons
September 22nd, 2007 § 5
I forgot what my blog niche is. Then again, I can’t remember ever defining a particular niche anyway. I already mentioned in my about page once or twice that my domain name does not equate to the content of this blog. So no, you’re not going to find any guitar tabs, chords, or guitar how-to’s, here. I guess that’s pretty obvious. Haha.
Anyway, I heard someone say that one good way of knowing your blog’s niche is to look at keyword referrals, so I did, and I found out interesting things about my blog that I wasn’t aware of. Apparently, I’ve been getting a lot of hits from that post I made about Michael Scofield back when he was still the love of my life (sorry Mike, not anymore, and no, I’m not drooling over your pictures and making them my desktop’s wallpaper. NO. I mean, really.)
Oh, and I’m getting hits not just from the keyword “Michael Scofield” but, more specifically, from the keyword phrase “Michael Scofield gay“. Much thanks to Joni, who just happened to have mentioned the word “gay” in her comment on that post. I still refuse to think that he’s gay though. But okay, that’s beside the point.
It took me a while before I finally got to sit down and finish the last two episodes of Prison Break Season 2, because I was busy, and because I was experiencing withdrawal syndrome (something about missing my Dad because we used to watch PB together when he was still alive, and now, he never got the chance to know whatever happened to Michael amd Linc). But okay, that’s beside the point too. Haha.
The point is, I was trying to define what my blog niche is, and coincidentally, just the other day, I finally finished watching Prison Break’s Season 2 finale. Hay. Season 3 coming right up.
IMHO, they should have ended it right there at Season 2’s ending — the three of them, Michael Scofield, Linc Burrows, and Sarah Tancredi, sailing away to sunset, happily ever after amen. You know, they could have just given Wentworth Miller’s character a much deserved rest. I mean, come on, they made him break rules and prisons all year round, it’s tiring! Seasons 1 and 2 alone already made Prison Break a classic. They should’ve ended it right there and then and prevent further damage (LOL). I mean, seriously, I can’t quite imagine how Michael is going to pull off another breakout and still be all human, without looking like some superhero with a cape.
Oh well, whatcanisay, the business is earning, I can’t blame them if they want to extend it some more. Season 3 has just begun, and I heard they’re already cooking Season 4 up.
Anyway, the real point is (haha), here’s more Michael Scofield keywords for this blog. Only because he’s bald and I now have a thing for bald guys, and because he’s given this site a relevant amount of traffic. That’s all.
I’m over you, Michael Scofield. Consider this my break-up speech. Good luck on breaking prisons. :P